My Boyfriend Belittles My Dream Career Path

Dr. Robert Wallace
Tue, 31 Mar 2026 23:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college senior and I already know that I want to be a social worker. I really enjoy helping people who need help, as I feel sympathetic and am interested in the welfare of others.

My boyfriend thinks the time and energy I put into doing volunteer work, running errands or just checking in on others who truly need some assistance and guidance, is a complete waste of time. He lives a life that is fast-paced and driven and he intends to be an attorney by following in the footsteps of his very successful father.

When we first started dating, I knew that he had aspirations of being an attorney and I perhaps naively thought that the two of us would be a good career pairing, as I could perhaps help some individuals that he came across during the various cases he would no doubt be involved with in his career.
Updated: Wed Apr 01, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college senior and I already know that I want to be a social worker. I really enjoy helping people who need help, as I feel sympathetic and am interested in the welfare of others.

My boyfriend thinks the time and energy I put into doing volunteer work, running errands or just checking in on others who truly need some assistance and guidance, is a complete waste of time. He lives a life that is fast-paced and driven and he intends to be an attorney by following in the footsteps of his very successful father.

When we first started dating, I knew that he had aspirations of being an attorney and I perhaps naively thought that the two of us would be a good career pairing, as I could perhaps help some individuals that he came across during the various cases he would no doubt be involved with in his career.

Now I'm wondering if he's already talking down to me in a demeaning way about my future profession, maybe we're not such a good match after all? We've been dating for nine months, so my question to you is, how do I know when I've given this relationship enough time? We will both be graduating high school in a little over a month, so I feel like I need to make a decision one way or the other soon. — He Doesn't Respect My Career Path, via email

HE DOESN'T RESPECT MY CAREER PATH: It sounds to me like you've already started building the framework of your decision, even if you've been doing it subconsciously to some degree.

The good news is you are able to logically explain to me what you previously thought, what you plan to do and why and how your significant other both views and talks about your career.

My opinion is that you've given him more than enough time and the fact that your high school years will be ending soon provides you with an excellent opportunity to drift into a new situation. You may find someone much more compatible with you and who will respect you and your choices for who you truly are.

SHE TURNED OUT NOT TO BE THE GIRL I FIRST MET

DR. WALLACE: I'm a college guy and I met my current girlfriend back at a Halloween party late last year. We spent a lot of time talking with each other that night and I was really drawn in by the personality she demonstrated that evening and how well the conversation between the two of us went.

Because of the costumes, I couldn't see her directly and my costume shrouded about half of my looks as well. We met a week later without costumes and had a good laugh about how it felt like a blind date!

We ended up hanging out together and dating regularly, perhaps because we were both single at the time and we were both interested in having somebody to hang out with.

Here we are now, about five months later and I can honestly and sadly say to you that the highlight of this relationship was that very first night. The reason I say this is that I loved the personality she was demonstrating that night and the way our conversation flowed all evening. But later, as I got to know her better, I realized slowly, but surely that the original conversation was definitely a "one-off" conversation for some reason.

I finally had the nerve to bring it up to her about a few weeks ago how different our original conversation was versus others that have followed with much more frequency. To my utter shock, she told me that she was "in character" that evening regarding her Halloween costume!

This means I fell for a character, dressed in a Halloween costume, not her actual personality or looks! She's definitely not bad-looking or anything like that. I'm more concerned about how different her day-to-day personality is than what I thought I was stepping into that very first night.

Am I wrong to feel that I was deceived and sold a bill of goods that never came to fruition, in terms of who she truly is, personality-wise? — She's Not the Girl I First Met, via email

SHE'S NOT THE GIRL I FIRST MET: Irrespective of how you may feel now and all that you've told me, you've had five months' worth of time to spend with her and surely you knew within a handful of weeks that her personality was definitely much different than what you experienced that first night.

You've been slow to realize that she was actually in character that night, so I don't have a lot of sympathy for the thesis you are proposing here. The way I see it, she did not intentionally "sell you a bill of goods" by channeling her conversations that evening to match the character of the costume she was wearing.

If you feel the two of you are not a match for fundamental reasons, you owe it to her first and foremost to let her know this immediately. As for you, chalk this one up to experience and put more emphasis on the first three or four weeks of dating and how you feel about someone before you simply hit the cruise control button and let a relationship roll on month after month, despite your ongoing unhappiness.